Course 101: Understanding Women
Here’s
a hack for life when it comes to women - beautiful girls want to be told that
they are intelligent, and intelligent girls want to be told that they are a
beautiful. Think about it.
Too
bad you won’t be able to use it here for another year.
But
this sex is also blessed with its
eccentricities. For example, one word answer is not acceptable; don’t even
think about it - a detailed description is needed, zeroth law of communication.
Their ability to interpolate and extrapolate is astronomically outstanding;
dare to compete? It is better you accept defeat. Remember all those when-did-I-say-that
moments of yours?
Their
expertise in expanding the seven colors of rainbow to a million different
shades is humbling and brain-numbing. Let’s introduce to some members of the
pink family – fuscia, watermelon, flamingo, blush, punch, ballet slipper - it
gets better, lemonade – told ya, rouge, etc. This does not even cover half the
list. Only a woman could make a high-score on kuku kube.
Apparently
calling a guy cute is a compliment. The only time they run short of words.
Women
are actually quite simple and not as complex as they are portrayed to be. See
it’s simple. If the lady is upset, give her a tight hug and tell her she is
beautiful. However, if she starts to growl retreat to a safe distance and throw
a chocolate bar at her. And if things she attacks, soldier abort mission and
initiate ghost protocol.
It
is our understanding after doing this analysis that there’s no point in
understanding women. What’s the point? They are still going to do what they
want to do and you will go on doing what you are doing?
Course 102: Understanding Men
After
extensive research and analyzing the various behavioral patterns of the many
specimen possessing the faulty Y chromosome we have observed the following few
trends emerge.
First,
always follow the 30 second rule, i.e. every time you ask a question of this overconfident
sex, give them 30 seconds to answer. Their brains are mapped in a way that it
takes 30 seconds to come up with an answer that makes sense, is relevant and explained
with logic. Interrupting before the timer goes off short-circuits the entire
system and disrupts the “normal” conversation.
Second,
their ability to remember data that is of no use and insanely high tolerance to
filth is astounding. This is the reason why men marry women who can do the work
of their mothers, not someone with long legs. Well, somebody has to clean up
after them.
Third,
men were not made to multitask. With only one side of the brain functioning,
their working capacities are highly curtailed. Any self-related (family,
friends, preferences, colors etc.) information and otherwise passed will be an
overload for their finicky frozen brains. I mean, why challenge nature?
Fourth,
peeing is a social activity.
And
last, men wouldn’t mind receiving flowers. You might not want to subject soft
delicate flowers to their barbarian insouciant ways, and find the notion
ghastly but such gestures are well appreciated by members of this gender too.
If
neither of this holds true for your relationship then we hate to break it to
you that your relationship is a cover. With this study we successfully prove that
men will be men.
